Sexual
Counselling

Sexual Counselling is directed at providing the right perspective of ‘sex & sexuality’. While ‘sex’ implies the sexual interaction, ‘sexuality’ encompasses a host of factors but can be summed up in simplest words as ‘Sexual Personality’. Sex & sexuality are inherent to a human. Sexual attitudes & sexual personality are inseparable ingredients of an individual’s overall attitude & personality around which the happiness in life revolves. Thus, to be happy in life, it is of utmost importance that a person develops a healthy sexuality. Sexual attitudes & personality are not spontaneous or inborn. They are developed during the course of life either by experience which is long drawn process, or thru sexual counselling. The Counselling provides realistic & scientifically credible awareness of sex & inculcates healthy sexual behavior thereby making counselees comfortable with their sexuality.

The counselling answers many questions about sex few of which are listed below.

Is sex not natural & spontaneous? Why sex counselling then? And who all should take counselling?
Sexual urge is between ears (mind) & therefore, is natural & innate. But the sexual act is between the thighs and is learnt. One does not know spontaneously how to perform sex but learns it either through experience (exploration & experimentation) or the sexual counselling. Sex thus, is a behavior. And like all behaviors, one has to learn its proper technique. If faulty, it has to be unlearnt then re-learnt. Learning the right behavior or the art or the science of sex is a process that goes on all through one’s life. At no point, can an individual claim to know all about this behavior. So even those who have no sexual problems, are benefited by counselling as it not only prevents sex problems to happen but enhances sexual pleasure too.

How important is the Sex Counselling?
Since sex is an art as well as a science, a good sexual counselling goes a long way to prevent sex problems; and to take care of them if they still occur. The counselling assumes more significance if sex is considered a pleasure & an intimacy oriented phenomenon where-in, orgasm is more important than the ejaculation. Counselling is an effective tool since sex is a learnt behavior that improves with learning & experiencing.

What all, does the sex counselling include?
It includes all issues having a direct or indirect bearing on sex life of men & women, like:

• Counselling about Sexual Myths

• Adolescence Counselling

• Premarital (before marriage) Counselling

• Marriage or Marital counselling

• Aging & sex

• Sexual Dysfunction Counselling

• Sexual Variants & Paraphilias

• Counselling for LGBT (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Trans-Sexual)

• Sexual offences Counselling

• STD, AIDS Counselling

What should be the frequency of sex?    
It is not the frequency, but the satisfaction level that matters. Complete sexual gratification once a week is superior to a sexual encounter every day that is bereft of orgasm.

What is the yardstick of ideal sex?
Sex is a very personal world. There are no reference points. It is as good as one or one’s partner thinks.  However, there will always be scope to make it better. It is a life long exploration & experimentation process with a caring partner where increasing awareness about each others' needs, plays a vital role.

Till what age, is the sex recommended?
After the peak at about 22-25 years of age, the sex hormone starts decreasing. This, along with normal wear & tear of the body that goes with aging, does affect the quality of sex adversely. However the sexual urge & the sexual activity last as long as life does, provided a lovable & loving partner is available & there is no major illness. So sex per-se has no expiry age or shelf life. All it requires is to bring about certain modifications in the sex techniques.

It is imperative to understand that the virility (sexual vigor & vitality) is different from fertility (producing children). While sex is an ever-lasting need, the fertility ceases in females with setting-in of menopause unlike in males where it lasts till the last breath.

Till what age is child bearing possible?
Virility’ and ‘fertility’ though connected, can exist independent of each other. However, the quality of egg in woman & sperm in man deteriorates with aging & it is always a good idea to complete one’s family by 30 years of age. Fertility (child bearing) in a woman ceases with menopause that may occur usually any time after 40 years whereas ability to produce children in man seems to go on for ever.

What are the causes of Sex problems?

• Psychological / Psychogenic / functional

• Physical / Pathological / Organic

There has always been a raging debate whether the genesis/origin of bigger chunk of sex problems is Psychogenic or Pathological. But whether Psychological or physical, ultimately all cases of sexual disorders land up in Psychological problems.

Sexual Dysfunction Counselling
The commoner sexual dysfunctions are

• Low sexual desire, painful sex, sex addiction & orgasmic disorders in men & women.

• Impotence & premature ejaculation besides other ejaculatory dysfunctions in men.

• Vaginismus & poor lubrication-swelling response in women.

Since body is where the mind is and mind is the biggest sex organ of the body, the sex initiated by mind & is sustained by the mind. Mind is very amenable to counselling & therefore, counselling plays a very vital role in Sexual Dysfunctions. Read Importance of Sex and Chemistry of sex to know in detail about sex & sexual dysfunction.

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